Two days ago I took a very hot bath. The place I'm staying has a large bathtub, and I sunk slowly into the scalding hot water, and thought. My mind moved this way and that way, drifting around, and I had some good ideas. I opened my eyes and got down to the details of the bath itself.
I scrubbed the dead skin off hard with soap, got out, dried off, and put on lotion, as described in "adding good skin at age 100 to goals."
This is not uncommon for me. I wrote in "Daydreaming" that my mind was wrecked, so I went to get a massage at a spa with essential oils, and then drank green tea and ate ginger.
I'm wearing light colors - sky blue, white, purple are among my favorite. I'll wear silks and cotton. I believe in being polite, friendly, maybe even a little lighthearted when with people most of the time. I don't take myself too seriously.
I think most guys are afraid to do this - to wear light colors, to go to a spa, to being silly and lighthearted, these traditionally feminine things. I think most guys go out of their way to appear tough, rugged, macho. And you know why? I think it's because most of 'em are soft on the inside, scared, powerless, aimless.
My philosophy is be as strong as steel on the inside, and light and gentle like silk on the outside. Strong/strong is too much, it's overwhelming. Weak/weak might work okay for a woman, but never for a man. No, I see guys acting tough, acting hard, posturing, and they seem like they're scared to me. Steel on the inside. Nails. Be a warrior, know combat, know how to handle your fists, how to handle firearms, how to protect people around you. Have ethics. Stand for something. Be strong.
And the stronger you get, the more lighthearted you can be. The more lighthearted you have to be. Look at Richard Branson during an interview sometime. He's often half slumped over, he's not casting his presence out as supremely powerful. On the inside, he's nails, for sure. But outside he's soft spoken, gentle, he smiles a lot, he dresses in frilly things sometimes. But he's almost certainly nails on the inside. I bet he's a visage of hell and misery if you wrong him. Well, I guess you could ask British Airways about that.
That's what I aim for. Be strong, don't act strong. Be carved out of steel, stand for something, be something. Then - it's okay to relax to gentle music, to speak softly, to wear silk or light colors, to go to a spa. Be gentle and soft externally, but forge your character out of steel, mold yourself in strife and suffering, become strong. Then - externally, be gentle. Soft. Slightly whimsical. Steel on the inside, silk on the outside.
This is a really really good insight. Also resonates with a lot of historical Asian male lover archetypes, like in Tale of Genji, Dream of the Red Chamber, Pillow Book, Plum in the Golden Vase, etc.
Btw, one of the best parts about living in southeast Asia is the relatively cheap access to some amazing spa experiences. Hope you stick around these parts, my man!
I had a crazy long and good day today. I had a meeting with a potential client to show the specs and research we've got, and I had a blast. Very cool woman I met from their marketing department. I was running on low sleep since I stayed up last night polishing, formatting, and making the presentation aspect of the research look sharp. There's a huge opportunity for the company we're pitching to, and this could be a massively virtuous thing.
My adrenalin actually got up for presenting, which was great. I love adrenalin. However, adrenalin withdrawl kind of sucks, and 10 minutes after I was out of the building I was about to fall apart like a pile of jelly.
Somehow I managed to find my way into Dung Tailor, who I wrote about in "Is it cheaper to fly internationally to buy your next suits, luggage, etc?" I tried on a shirt and pants they made up, and they fit so perfectly. I thought to myself - wow, I just presented some specs and research to a massively successful client, and I just asked for a lot of money in budget to build for them. I should probably pick up a suit, I haven't had a proper suit since I left my home-office in Boston for the road back in 2008. So I picked it out, got it all done up, and I was amazed - $250 for a nice suit and two very nice shirts. Amazing. The Vietnamese are skilled tailors too. Anyway, Dung's contact info is in the "cheaper to go international for suits, luggage?" post. Say hi to Ming if you go, Ming is really cool and speaks English well. Dung is cool too - very stately, great vibe, excellent tailor.
After this, I'm totally exhausted. I do the math and realize I've slept less than 4 hours over the last 30 hours or so. But I'm in a weird zone where I don't want to sleep, I'm overtired. Grr. Okay, I'll stop to get a massage with some essential oils. It's like $10 at the spa. And there is playing this really lovely lullaby music with harp in it. It felt like flying. And I said - run with it. Daydream.
So I'm getting the kinks and lactic acid battered out of my legs and I'm daydreaming about flying with wings. If I had wings, I'd go skiing, and go off a crazy jump, and flutter down. My mind wanders. I think I'll go to the Opera next time I'm in Beijing. My mind wanders. I wonder what Oda Nobunaga thought before the Battle of Okehazama? What would I be thinking? I daydream, thinking about torrents of rain pouring down while riding against an army 10 times larger. Dismounting and sneaking through the woods to raid the back of the Imagawa camp, the fighting breaking out in the rain and mud, slaying Imagawa Yoshimoto and seeing the ranks of the Imagawa troops dissolve, saving the Oda clan from destruction.
It's a moderately cold and cloudy day here in Nashville this morning. A soft gray light pours into my window. I'm hoping for a better week to come. I've had to deal with a very unprofessional and very immature person this week. This has thrown everything off a little. I've decided that the next time I hire someone for work I will ask her or him that they need to be respectful and professional if they want to do work for me. Plain and simple. It seems as if this kind of thing is understood, but my goodness, sometime I guess it will need to be stated clearly. On another, more lighthearted note, things are going along smoothly for the CD Release. Rehearsals have started. Musicians have been hired. The setlist is worked out. All is good. This is going to be the most elaborate show I've done so far. It's going to be so much fun. Last night, a friend of mine invited me to see the movie, "Changeling". It is directed by Clint Eastwood and stars Angelina Jolie. Eastwood is in true form with this one. I think this is the kind of movie every parent should see. I don't want to give it away, but I will say that it is appalling that this story actually happened. This world can be such a cruel place. This is a solid film. See it if you have a chance. Hopefully, I'll have a pretty cool post tomorrow. Stay warm, -g