August 11th, 2011. Chiba, Japan.
A mix of confusion and awe as I step off the platform.
I must have made a mistake. But maybe a good mistake.
Birds caw and cicadas click gently, filling the warm afternoon air with sounds of nature. The train platform is open to the air and on the other side of the tracks is a high fence. Beyond it, a bicycle and walking path leading to a park.
Children are running around and playing in the park, but surprisingly quietly. Very Japanese.
Where am I?
“Su mi ma sen… Kasukabe… doko… wakaru des ka?”
The girl looked at the board of times, and pointed the opposite direction I came from. I had taken the wrong train and happened to step off in the middle of a quite rural station.
It’s early afternoon, but the light is low since it’s cloudy. It feels like a sleepy evening and the air is heavy with condensation.
The train I’m supposed to take arrives, but I let it pass. I’ll sit a while.
There’s a vending machine. I get a “Georgia Black Iced Coffee” for 120 yen.
It’s exceptional.
People drift back and forth across the foot path. Little kids, families, older people.
It’s so simple out here. Everyone looks happy. An old woman, maybe 70 years old, passes by on a bicycle. The basket on her handle bars is almost overflowing with something in white plastic bags.
Time passes.
Another train arrives. Leaves.
The old woman is riding back in the other direction, her basket empty.
I wonder where she dropped the things off at. Perhaps her daughter’s house? Maybe it was some food and vegetables, and she dropped it off at her daughter’s a kilometer away, tussled one of her grandkids’ hair, and then bicycled back to her home.
A family passes. Father, mother, pre-teen daughter, six-year old son. The father is a little goofy in a likable way. He swings his arms broadly as he walks and his son is giggling. Dad stops swinging his arms, takes out a cigarette, lights it, takes a drag. Starts swinging his arms again, cigarette in hand. Then they’re gone.
Another train comes, leaves. I’m still here.
A big group of kids, all with full bags of gear. Tennis? Camping? I can’t tell. Some athletics or outdoor recreation type stuff. There’s like 15 kids, maybe 9 boys and 6 girls. They wind along the path and are gone.
The cawing bird has stopped and gone away, but now a little tiny bird is chirping. The cicadas keep rubbing their wings together.
A second iced coffee. Another train arrives. Leaves. I’m still here.
A pretty girl, maybe 23 years old. She’s not beautiful, but she could be: she’s a just little bit too self-conscious. She’s wearing a summer dress that’s a size too big, her hair is a little messy. But she’s pretty and she’s smiling and seems like a nice person. Without knowing anything at all about her, I guess she’ll get married sometime in the next two years and be a very good wife for someone.
Apparently this area is a major rest stop for train conductors. I see many of them walking around, getting on and off the train periodically. Or some sort of officials, anyways, with hats and white gloves. Probably train-related, I guess.
Maybe a lot of them live out here. It does seem like a nice area to live.
I think, this is what I’m giving up.
I don’t get to have this.
It’s nice to have it right in front of me, fully on display. This is idyllic suburban life. The people who live here commute to their jobs in Chiba or Tokyo and come home to this at night. Parks, trails, birds, cicadas.
People here can broadly understand each other. Everyone’s a little different, but most people aren’t /that/ different. The people who live here probably have broadly shared values, their kids get educated in broadly the same way, they eat broadly the same sorts of food and do broadly the same sorts of things. They put in long hours at work, but have lots of stability.
The jobs tend to be repetitive after the initial learning curve, and the days blend in to each other. Wake early, walk through the clean country air to the station, ride to work, work blends together into long hours, come home and have a late dinner with the wife. Play with the kids if they’re still awake, check in on them in their bedroom if they’re asleep. Do picnics or go to a family restaurant or go to the movies on the weekend. Go to Tokyo Disney once a year.
Everyone here probably has 95% of their life make perfect sense to their neighbors. An eccentric hobby would be making your own fruit jam or woodcarving or having a home gym. And those aren’t so eccentric… even the things that are unique about people here, their neighbors can understand. And they get along well and are happy and at peace.
Another train arrives. Leaves. I’m going to stay here for a while and think. I’ll get a third coffee in a little bit.
Last night I was working with a friend of mine on a campaign to get him $1,000/hour rates in his profession, about 10x what he’s making now. He’s the most talented guy I know in his field, incredibly knowledgeable, empathetic, good at his job. We’re looking at people who his work would have a major leveraged impact on and on the kind of people currently making those $1,000/hour rates, how they market and what credentials they have, and how my friend can systematically build those credentials and marketing channels.
I quit video games a while back. I try to build things now, that’s my video game. I like trying to make money for other people. Scratch that, I don’t like the trying, I like the doing of it. I like making other people money… I think I enjoy it even more than making myself money, because I can stay distant from it. Buddhism encourages the center path – neither wanting nor aversion. Most people think Buddhism is about no desires, but they’re kind of mistaken. It’s about being very neutral about getting, but also about staying away from. It’s easy for me to walk the center path with other people’s objectives, very calm. Neither wanting nor aversion.
Everyone I meet and get along with, I try to make their lives a bit better somehow. Money tends to help, if a person is already running a business I can probably figure out a way for them to increase their volume or margins. I’ve got quite a bit of experience at it at this point.
Established businesspeople tend to take my counsel. I get paid pretty well.
But I also try to do it for free all the time. I want everyone who connects with me to better off.
You know what’s strange?
80% of the people I draw up plans for – plans that would clearly work – don’t act on them.
It’s like everyone fantasizes about… whatever… but once their fantasies start to become reality, they piss their pants and self-sabotage.
I’m not being haughty about it. I do it too.
I met a good guy recently. He has a chief passion in life, and he has a day job. He doesn’t quite care for his day job, but he’s good at it and decently paid. I like this guy a lot, he’s really a nice and good guy, so I drew up a complete business plan for him that’d get him 2x-3x what he’s normally getting hourly and he’d control when he works.
I drew up exactly what the product, marketing, and delivery would be, and exactly how to do it. I volunteered to do a lot of the hard work, the “you don’t know what you don’t know” type stuff, I was willing to hold this guy’s hand and really help him build another income stream and get him a lot of freedom and wealth.
I figured he could do his first run of it in 10-20 hours, but he’d get a lot faster once he learned the exact marketing channels, had the relevant accounts and contacts and marketing info, etc. I volunteered to do much of the hard work, said we could go 50/50 on the first run if he’s interested (it would have only come out to a few dollars the first time, but it’s more fun than playing video games) and he can just own 100% of the business and revenues after it’s built.
Why not? It’d be fun.
He wasn’t interested.
Well, he was, actually. Sort of:
“Still, I like your plan and I think it’d be a winner… if I were prepared to put that much effort in. I’ve often thought it might work if I grabbed a few of my colleagues and worked together, though they all have a similar attitude to it not being their passion.”
But his day job isn’t his passion either. And c’mon, it’s 10 hours. We all fuck around and piss away 10 hours here and there all the time in all sorts of nonsense. This would be an opportunity to work hands-on with someone he likes, to make some money, to have more control over his income and schedule. In 10-20 hours spread over a couple weeks. That’s like an hour a day for a short time, and I’m willing to do most of the hard stuff (actually, it’s not so hard for me since I have experience in the marketing channels already, so the “figure it out” time is about 95% lower).
Another train arrives.
Leaves.
Still here.
Third coffee…? Not yet.
I look up from my thought and writing. A 20 year old guy on a bicycle, black t-shirt, spiked hair, glasses, red backpack. He stops his bike, puts it on the rack, walks somewhere…. perhaps he’s coming to this station to take the train?
No, he’s taking his phone out. Meeting someone? Probably.
He’s not 20. More like 17, I see his face now and he’s young. But he carries himself quite maturely for his age.
A 14 year old kid in skateboarding clothes sits down two seats over from me.
It sure is nice out here.
The people here broadly understand each other.
If you start trying to be really enterprising and expansive, very quickly no one understands you.
I suppose everyone’s unique, but y’know what? I think most people aren’t /that/ unique. They have perhaps a unique mix of interests, but none of their interests are so crazy. If they are, it’s 5% of how they live. The other 95% is normal and their neighbors would perfectly understand them.
If you set out building across multiple countries, continents, study constantly, and strike completely off the normal path, then how much of your life makes sense to people on it?
30%?
Less?
Last night, I was talking with my friend, the one I mentioned before about the $1k/hour rates for. I said, “If you did this, I’m pretty sure you could get your first client at $400/hour within 90 days.” It would have to be his main thing for the next 90 days, but it would likely work.
Week 1: Research and list 10 people achieving at the target level he wants.
Week 2: Research all of their marketing channels and credentials.
Week 3: Figure out which channels/credentials might be attempted to build the fastest.
Weeks 4 and 5: Put in a couple hours each day trying to get those credentials.
For instance, make an amazing brochure with what you know in week 4, and then in week 5 print it on super high quality glossy paper at $30 per brochure. (High quality paper is a super hack to come across ultra-professional.) Send the brochure to the top 50 people you want as clients. Cost: $1500. Follow up with them relentlessly. Offer free services to all of them as a trial. Get a testimonial when one of them inevitably says yes. See if you can use that to approach a key person in their organization and get discount purchasing on your services, sell in bulk. Get a testimonial. Go pitch to people who need elite performance that you’re the official supplier for this major prestigious organization.
It would work.
If it didn’t work, go back to week 3/4/5 and pick a new channel and new credentials. Approach magazines or TV or get endorsements or work with someone in a complimentary business and offer them 100% of your first sale to them, or offer your services as a free bonus for anyone who makes a high end related purchase.
It would work.
SOMETHING would work. If you kept repeating this cycle, eventually it would work. Maybe not in 90 days, but certainly at some point. If you wanted it enough.
My friend, his core goal right now is total financial freedom. I laid out a plan that would get him there.
But will he do it?
I asked him.
“But will you do it?”
He cringes and says… “No. I won’t.”
“So, that’s the million dollar question. Why won’t you?”
He replies, “I don’t know. I don’t even like thinking about it really, but I’ll try to. I don’t know, fear? I have to confront my potential and the fact that I’m not living up to? It doesn’t feel right? I don’t feel ready? I don’t think I deserve that much? I think I’d have to study for longer first? I don’t know.”
I nod. I’m the same way. I also see opportunities like this, but have a hard time going for them.
About six months ago, I started trying to make one major upside shot per month at millions of dollars. You know, writing a proposal to get $2 million from an enterprising government to build something amazing for them, or trying to start a bank, or trying to get a fast growth technology business funded type stuff.
One of those low-percentage/massive upside things.
A lot of times I want to throw up when I’m trying.
My buddy yesterday, we were talking about all of this at a Chinese restaurant, eating fried chicken, vegetables, and shrimp with excellent iced Chinese tea.
He said – “Sebastian, you’re crazy but your logic works, the math works.”
Yeah. I wonder if I’m crazy sometimes. A lot, actually. Why aren’t other people trying? I keep layering success on top of success, my life is so weird and interesting and cool and crazy, but I don’t have any particularly rare talent. I just do a bunch of stuff that might work, and won’t hurt too bad if it doesn’t work.
So why don’t people do it?
Hell, I offer to make people money for free, draw up a simple clearly workable business plan, offer to help out. 80%+ of them don’t take it.
A few months ago, a guy I’d been correspondong with for a while wrote to me. I had already asked him, “What are you working on? How can I help?”
He told me about a service business he wanted to start, and how it would have all these amazing benefits, and how he’d charge these ridiculously low rates to start to get his first clients, and then he’d be an entrepreneur.
I wrote back, telling him it was a great idea and giving him my thoughts on where to start, some points to consider, and otherwise just being really impressed. He’s obviously thought this through and ideas were workable.
Another train… I want that third coffee now. One moment.
Ah, that’s nice.
So I wrote to this guy who had this really wonderful set of ideas that were going to work.
I hit send.
Then I stopped and said to myself, “You know what? That really is a damn fine set of ideas.”
And I wrote him a second email and said I’ll be his first client, I’ll pay exactly what he’s asking, we can start whenever he wants, and I’ll help him hammer out the concept a little bit too. He’s a good guy and I think he’d have done good work.
He didn’t write back.
Mind you, this is a guy I’d already known some, we’d swapped emails and chatted on the phone some. He just… I don’t know, who am I to judge? But it seemed like he had a dream, but as soon as his dream was about to become a reality he kind of pissed his pants or something.
I do it too, you know. Metaphorically piss my pants sometimes in the face of opportunity. Though I’m trying to stop doing that.
But why is it so hard to stop? That’s the million dollar question…
And maybe this little countryside area is the answer. The guy who said he’s not willing to put in the effort to control his own income, to make more per hour than he’s currently making, and improve his quality of life.
My buddy who said realistically, he’s not going to follow up on that target plan to get him to $1k/hour rates. (Though, we’ll going to try to do something about that and kick each other’s asses.)
The guy who pitched me on his service business and I said I’d hire him for it exactly as he described and pay exactly what he was asking, and be cool about it as he worked the kinks in his business out.
You know what I think it is?
You won’t be understood once you step off into the abyss.
The more you do it, the more people won’t understand.
The second guy I mentioned, the effort guy? He’s got coworkers right now he can commiserate with who understand him. The business idea I mentioned to him doesn’t exist as far as I know right now, and there’s a demand for it. I’m sure there’s a demand for it. And his income is such that even with a low price point he could still make 2x-3x what he’s making now and fulfill a market need.
But then what? Then he’s the only guy doing this thing. No commiseration. People won’t understand him as much.
And the more you do that, the more people don’t understand.
If you keep taking all those edges that no one else will, pretty soon your neighbors don’t understand you, can’t understand you.
It’s just you.
I didn’t mention this earlier, but when I first arrived at this train station I cried for the first time in three years.
Normally I can’t cry. Like, tears just won’t come. I don’t think that’s a good thing. Control your emotions in public, but express yourself in private. Sometimes I’ve felt down and wanted to cry, but I never could, no matter what happened and even if the situation called for it. Last time I did was 2008.
But I arrived here and I hear the birds and cicadas, and I see all the wonderful green land and clean air, and I see these wonderful nice kind people living their lives, and that all really harmoniously truly understand each other.
And I got it.
It clicked.
I don’t get to have this.
I don’t get to have this.
I get something else. Something pretty amazing. But I don’t get to have normal life.
And it looks really, really nice. A lot less neurosis and conflict and striving and fighting forwards.
They say the law of diminishing returns on money kicks in around $60k or so.
I think they’re crazy. They must be thinking only about their happiness as individuals.
I want $40 million before I slow down. $40M is enough that you can drop $2 million on building something – a school, a bridge, an orphanage, a shrine, a monument, a massive work of public art – and it’s only 5% of what you’ve got. If you see a deal of a lifetime, you can put $10 mil into it and it’s only 25% of what you’ve got.
I think I’ll get there. I’ll keep identifying the currents and ways forwards, building my skill, being useful, and I’ll try to hit the required channels and deliver the value. And I’ll just keep going. And it should work. Maybe I’m crazy, but the math and logic seem to work. 1) Identify what makes people succeed at a massively high level. 2) Do that. 3) If that’s not working, go back to step 1 and try again.
But the further ahead you go, the less people understand you.
What a fitting ending to my writing – a young suburban mom and her little daughter have arrived and are joking around and having fun. They look so happy and lighthearted.
I’ve done a lot and I’m really just getting started. But the more you do, the further away you get from being understood, from the joys of normal life, from being understood by your neighbors and backing each other up and living together harmoniously.
I cried for the first time in three years when I realized it.
The million dollar question… why don’t people take the large opportunities in front of them? Why don’t they allow their dreams to become realities?
Because it means you won’t be understood. And we need to be understood, fundamentally, it’s so important to us.
Maybe that’s not the whole answer. But a big part of it. I cried when I realized that’s what it was.
Mostly happy tears… well, it was a strange sort of emotion. Like when a hero dies at the end of the movie while succeeding in their quest. It’s sad and joyful at the same time. There’s loss, but what’s being done has gotten done.
I don’t get to have a normal life. I don’t get to be fully understood by everyone around me.
Okay.
Stop crying. Start smiling. Keep building.
The train arrives. I get on.
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Had to comment on this one – I resonate with the Japanese intro. Had the same feelings myself when I was walking through suburbs of Tokyo.
“But the further ahead you go, the less people understand you.”
I’m not too far ahead, but I’m seeing this already, and it’s a sad realization.
Thanks for the post.
Don’t fear the journey. Embrace it. When you start the travel you will find people who are worth your time.
I sometimes feel the same. I’m still at university, but the others seem to lack the drive to do more than the ordinary. Recently I wondered wether I’d be any different if I were at MIT or in Stanford …
I was kind of wondering that too. Anyone at MIT or Stanford here? With all the drive there, do you feel more understood and connected, or still less?
I came across this post through HN, and this is not what I’m expecting at all! Humbling and inspiring.
I actually just graduated MIT undergrad in EECS, about to do my MEng starting next week. For me personally, I think even at MIT, you still have to seek out the opportunities and like-minded people, people that could understand and appreciate your vision and ideas.
I started caring and learning about tech startups end of my junior year, after realizing academia is not suitable for me. But I was very disappointed to find that, most entrepreneurial people I know are software/web2.0 oriented, and many of the most brilliant people are know are gearing for a career in finance/consulting.
As I’m more focused toward hardware/device physics and I’m more concerned with energy systems among other more tangible problems, I had to actively seek out people who are like-minded. And when I did find them, it’s a truly humbling experience, they are the most brilliant, knowledgeable, and driven people I know.
Steffen, it would be helpful if your school had business competitions/tech contests like the 100K, IDEAS, battlecode and Soldier Design competitions, where ambitious people converge. If not, I think it would be awesome if you start one of your own.
I just graduated Stanford with a degree in CS. There are a ton of people with drive here, so there are more like minded people, but it can also be intimidating/depressing. I think at the end of the day it’s important to do what’s meaningful to you and not worry too much if 1) everyone is doing exactly what you’re doing or 2) no one is doing what you’re doing. There’s always a lot to learn from other people, especially if they’ve chosen a different path from you, so don’t distance yourself from people just because they lack drive. Connection is a feeling and something that you control.
I went into university thinking I would find like minded people. I wanted to build things, start companies, change the world. I went into business, the hardest program I could find. I was more disappointed then I think I might have been in a program with less motivated students. I would look around and yes, everyone was motivated, but they were motivated to succeed in all of the normal ways that I found completely boring. If I were in an easier program, I would have just thought “oh, well the people with drive are just somewhere else” instead I discovered that most people (even the motivated ones) are in fact just normal. To find people I could relate to I really had to get outside the student/academic setting.
They are everywhere. There is just a scarce on these people. Certainly, you won’t find much on the university, or the probability to meet one is quite low.
I didn’t go to MIT or Stanford, but I did go to an almost-that-level Ivy. There’s a huge contingent that goes in to I-banking and other Wall Street careers or Consulting. They don’t really get entrepreneurial folks: After all, if you can follow a path, become a partner, and make at least $1M/yr without risk, why would you take big risks?
But there’s a decent-size continent of people who want to change the world. At my school, that was much more in the nonprofit sector (and academic/research) than the business world. Your ambitions are largely driven by your peer group. So, it was an excellent thing. (You would have to become a part of that crowd, but we weren’t hard to find.)
But schools aren’t the only way to surround yourself with that sort of person. It’s one easy way, where people are receptive to it. I’ve found lots of others (more of my friends/community are from TED than from my college).
[Also, I do question that $40M number. Since I'm anonymous, I'll say that I've made less than $40M but have made several million. Doing it just for the money at that point is silly: for "a school, a bridge, an orphanage, a shrine, a monument"? There are so many interesting projects to work on, why do you need to be the one to fund it. And, if you have a great idea for one and you've done great stuff, you can usually get people to fund the rest. If you've earned a few million in returns for investors, in my experience they'll easily back whatever's next.]
> Recently I wondered wether I’d be any different if I were at MIT or in Stanford
Why would you wonder that?
No matter where you are, you’ll be surrounded by people who understand things that you don’t understand. And, you’ll understand things that they don’t understand.
Yes, certain places have people who understand various tech bits, but there’s more to them, so if that is important to you, but they will also understand other things and they won’t necessarily understand everything that you understand.
I’ve been around Stanford for years. If you’re not comfortable in your own skin, you won’t be any more comfortable there.
The rate at which I improve (or stagnate) in various aspects of life seems to be directly proportional to the gap between my own skill level and that of others. Sure, there will always be something to learn from everyone regardless of where I am, but some communities just have more drive than others. Even if I take charge and surround myself with positive influence, what if the people around me just can’t support the extent of my passion?
Nothing to add, but really enjoyed this post.
Fantastic. Read the whole post without being distracted. Had vivid images on my mind. Can’t believe you nailed such a big part of it. By being unconventional and doing the opposite of most people, we become less & less understood.
Last night, I had a 2 and a 1/2 hr skype conversation with my best friend. We’re very like-minded. We had to force ourselves to hang up the conversation ’cause we wanted to keep chasing those crazy good opportunities we have right now.
During those 2 and a half hours, I felt understood. It felt fantastic. I was happy.
It’s kind of frustrating to realize that people just won’t ever take the very first step, even though it is so easy/small. I mean litteraly sitting down and doing the first 30 seconds of a task seems SO impossible to them, they have to over-analyze everything and wait for the perfect conditions, which never come (see the best procrastination tip ever here: http://zenhabits.net/tada/).
However, when you actually do meet people that are very like-minded, I mean REALLY REALLY like-minded, you gain some of that joy back. You become understood again.
Seb, you must be getting quite a lot out of your blog on this subject. We can feel it too in your writings.
Keep rocking it up brotha, we love reading the conclusions from your self-talks.
The greatest post so far! It’s the most authentic and because of that has tacit knowledge.
Thank you!
That was a beautiful post, Sebastian. Thank you, you’re a truly inspiring guy!
Having travelled to Japan I can see why you would come to such revelations while being there :)
This post made me sit in silence and think for an hour…
I know this train you speak of, the train of self-improvement. The day I get off this train to settle down, find stability, and “find my place” in this world is the day that I stop moving forward. I put “find my place” in scare quotes, because I’ve already found my place in this world – on the train.
Thank you for this post. It means a lot to me.
I think it only makes you more confused if you’re not the type of person to look for opportunities and someone like Sebastian Marshall tells you they’re everywhere. Of course they are. But does that mean everyone should take them? Each of us has different values and understandings of life, what’s important for them etc., and also different fears. Sebastian’s values are, at least right now, look for opportunities, think big, produce, serve. Sebastian’s fears: fear of lost opportunity, not trying hard enough, losing his credentials. But that’s not the whole world – that’s just Sebastian.
I’m reading a lot about ego these days, so excuse me if I’m a bit biased but I think lots of the issues we’re talking about here have to do with ego. The values and fears we’re discussing are ego-driven – me, me, me. I want to be / appear successful, the best version of me, live life to the fullest, etc. An opportunity we don’t take is not something we simply didn’t take – we say it’s *lost*. How can something be lost if you never even put any value to it? The guy simply didn’t take it, that’s it. You’re the one putting value to it, not him.
I’m not sure if you really want to go the Japanese suburb path though. The thing is, even though you probably wouldn’t admit it, you see yourself as something *more* than these people; that you have more and deserve more and strive for more and will achieve more than them. You have money and credentials and skills and connections and inspirations – quite a lot of resources, at least in your world. But the resources you have and the resources the Japanese have, have nothing in common (like different currencies, or speaking different languages) – so I don’t think you can even compare the two situations.
The drama is, once you’re exposed to the information and resources and opportunities, and you’ve grown up with these values (talking about the Western culture), there’s pretty much no going ‘back’ – simple rural life just doesn’t fit your mindset anymore. But the rural people who never get to find out about these things, they only know about what’s around them – and live with it happily. There’s no more they could ask for – of course they’re happy they have most of what they know. We’re the ones exposed to too much information – which makes us want more, set higher expectations, and be easily disappointed when we don’t get it.
The more we read, the more we think, the more disconnected we are from the present – thoughts are either past- or future-driven (I read that somewhere). I think that’s the difference between the people living close to the nature (living in the now) and the urbanized culture – studying past concepts and future ideas, but often forgetting about the present.
exactly :) then actually it’s also the social pressures. so distance yourself from the people who don’t seem to understand, and go with people who do understand.
It’s a crazy idea, it’s hard to not think of all the things OTHER people will think of you. Values. They change. What is universal is truth, responsibility, love.. those cross boundaries.
If you love what you will be doing, then it means that is the right choice. If you don’t love it because it feels hard to pursue, but eventually you know you will love it when the dream comes true, take the first step. The first step, then the rest will follow.
People can only show you the door basically, you have to be the one to open the door.
That was a fantastic comment. I’ve been ruminating on your ideas for years but hadn’t put them together like that before. Thanks for commenting
Great comment, Rumena. He is *choosing* to not have the ‘joys of normal life’. Normal life is what you make of it. Make your own normal. Achieving the $40 mill and being (maybe) philanthropic is his way to be normal. But getting there means being on that train for a while (or if things go well for him, maybe a short while). Regardless, as you say, the rural people are enjoying their normal. Because they accept what they have and enjoy every moment by living in the now and not waiting to get off the train.
Wow, this is a very touching post. Thank you. I think most people don’t do what they know they should do because of . There is a really nice story about this, especially interesting if you played Magic: The Gathering or any other collectible card games: .
Silly formatting. Here is the story: http://www.starcitygames.com/magic/misc/2005_Stuck_In_The_Middle_With_Bruce.html
Great post Sebastian.
I agree with your thoughts regarding feelings of understanding. I feel as if I’m different, as if I’m like none of my peers… I’m willing to work my ass off, I don’t watch TV, and I keep busting my ass of on businesses until one works. I won’t give up. I can live with failure, but I can’t live with regret. So I keep trying. I fail and fail, but one of these days, I’ll get it. People don’t understand this.
Hopefully we can toast to our successes in 10 years.
My best,
JP
Sacrificing the contented stability of a suburban life represents a huge opportunity cost for many people. I have little doubt that for many in the west, even most, suburban life is simply defaulting to what is normal. But after reading this post, I can’t help but wonder how many people are out there who know they have the skills, knowledge and even ambition to achieve great things, but actively choose not to because the cost is too high? The could potentially create great things, and make millions of dollars a year for themselves in the process, but don’t, because the peaceful stability of suburban life is worth more than a few million a year to them. So ambition is constrained to climbing the greasy pole as an employee rather than setting out on their own.
So basically, I guess we can say, when people around you don’t understand you anymore, go find and surround yourself with more people who actually DO.
Granted we are easily swayed by the people we hang around with often, then the more likely you can follow through with your plan if you do hang out with people who think like you.
Maybe you’d leave behind some of your peers/family. Maybe they’d leave you and abandon you as you pursue your dream.
It’s the social ego that puts pressure on ones ego.
What is a child? A child doesn’t have experiences yet, doesn’t have people telling them oh that is stupid, or that is good. A child plays. So as those people go about their dream, tell them to think like a child.
And one final note. It’s difficult to be a kid these days.
Thank you for this post & all your posts. I have not been at a regular day job since last November (by choice). The scariest thing in all this? The uncertainty of it all. The normal life calls out to me all the time, sometimes very loudly.
RE people who don’t follow up with your plans of action: Motivation to action is a strange beast. It isn’t until we are really hurting or pumped that we take the first step. When people are in that mellow-a-okay zone, it’s easier to just go with the status quo. It’s an emotional thing, not a cerebral thing.
All the best in your travels and ventures!
Stunning post Sebastian.
To continue a metaphor we discussed two days after this; the courage to leap from the temple roof is more than just the leap itself – it’s also the courage to leave behind the comfort you have and the pleasant suburban view.
I saw this a few days ago which fits in with your post:
http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/94/open_change-or-die.html
90% of people won’t change. I hope I am one of the 10% who do.
Keep up the great work Sebastian . There is a song by the great Indian poet, Nobel Laurate, Rabindranath Tagore, “Ekla Chalo Re” . http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ekla_Cholo_Re . The poet says, that if they do not answer to your call, then you walk alone, and keep walking . This has been one of the more inspiring posts. It takes courage to go where you are going , to take that plunge . Thank you . And keep walking . :)
Great post. I enjoyed every part of it, mostly because I’m that guy looking at the plan to improve myself and saying “no, I’m not going to”. And yet I have to, its who I am.
1. Hit several nails on the head right there. Fear of doing things often prevents us from taking challenges.
2. But is not trying to reach your optimum potential such a bad thing really. There is nothing wrong with a mundane existence if it makes you happy.
It’s because they are afraid. Afraid, partly I’m sure that they’ll be less understood, as you mention, but also they are afraid of failure. They are afraid of the unknown. They are afraid of committing to whatever it is they are on the precipice of achieving.
And maybe a bit of laziness too… It’s easy to continue doing the same thing. It’s hard to change and make new things happen.
For many people, the struggle is what defines them. Without that struggle I am not sure that they know themselves. In my experience, to make some truly amazing things happen in your life; it requires a lot of time doing that which will make the amazing happen. For many people, this is simply too much effort. Too much time away from their comfort zone. I have a relationship with someone I love and I can tell you that she and I have sacrificed that time that many people have together for the betterment of ourselves for our future. We struggle with that love, we struggle with the daily events, and we look to the future for something we struggle to have. To obtain comfort, happiness, and a life without struggle; then we can focus on the things which we know make us who we are.
Wow, absolutely beautiful setting that you wove into this story. If it had just been a post about ‘how to charge $1,000/hr’ I probably would have missed it. I studied Japanese in high school and have always wanted to actually make a trip out there. This post has inspired me. I’m doing it in 2012.
Great post Sebastian! Really resonated with me.
Thank you for sharing this. I think it hits a nerve many of us struggle to describe.
I’ve often ‘joked’ with my [self-selected, tech-savvy and entrepreneurial/artistic friends] that there needs to be 150 people content to just be completely ordinary in order to support every one of us.
Your post made me rethink my arrogance.
Hey, thanks. Questing for millions isn’t my goal, but this article made me decide to finally take a couple steps in Advancing My Career that I’ve been dithering on for months. I’ve been walking along the edge of the abyss for way too long; it’s time to start to see if I know how to fly.
I remember the moment when I realized that soon I’d be able to travel around the world while working on my company. I was both thrilled and terrified at the same time. I’d been talking about becoming location independent for so long that I was kind of starting to get used to the idea of only dreaming of it.
It’s like when you buy a lottery ticket: you dream of all the things you’ do after you win but hesitate to check if you really won (and of those people who really win surprisingly many won’t change their lifestyles at all).
The idea of pursuing something can be really tempting but taking that first step to make it real can take forever. Luckily for me, I was in part forced to take that step. I guess that what most people would need – an outside kick in the butt to do something new, not just a holding hand.
Doing the same familiar things over and over again is what has kept us humans safe. Entering a new part of the jungle most likely just got us eaten by a new predator. Or having a strange hobby in a suburbia can make you a topic of conversation at a dinner party next door – which for some people is a more dreaded faith. :)
I think it’s a combination of (mostly just perceived) social control and self doubt that makes us self censorship; make us aim lower. Keep your head down, don’t attract attention and do as your told.
A refreshing thing about this is the empathy displayed in this post. Suddenly it’s not some asshole on the internet trying to bully me into doing something and to whom I would unconsciously answer “Go fuck yourself!” and then go back to do nothing.
Thank you for making me feel normal and telling me that I can do something about it.
(Now I wish I’d have told to stop by for a beer/coffee while you were in Hanoi)
Found this via Hacker News. This is the best blog post I have read in a long long time.
It is scary being alone. Not being understood, people thinking you are crazy. Sometimes you even doubt yourself when everyone thinks you are crazy. I went through something very similar recently – thankfully that episode is over for me now and the risk has paid off handsomely. This post really resonated with my experience. Thank you!
All I can say is this really hit home for me. This is the first time I have read your blog and I’m finding myself getting sucked into everything you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to do this.
I read a lot of blog posts or rather, I skim a lot of blog posts. You had me from the first word and I read with rapt attention. I’m really going to act on this. You completely described my fears. I consume so many good ideas. I write so many lists. I make so many plans. But nothing gets done.
I will write you back and show you what this chance reading set in motion.
Thank you, Sebastian.
Very interesting thought, very inspiring!
And I think on top of fearing not being understood, we also fear not understanding the new surroundings, not knowing how to react when new situations are thrown at us.
The million dollar question… why don’t people take the large opportunities in front of them? Why don’t they allow their dreams to become realities?
The question is when you don’t take these “so called” opportunities, are you at peace or are you feeling impatient, frustrated and disturbed?
If you are at peace, then you are all set. You are on the right path.
If you are disturbed that you are not able to take up the opportunity, then you have to clear up some of the baggage that you have accumulated from the past, could be fear, wanting to be understood, etc etc.
When you shed them, you will ease into those opportunities naturally.
Thank you for writing this. It was a much-needed jolt to action. I have my own answer to your million-dollar-question, and for me it isn’t about being understood, it’s about potential.
I elaborate here:
The Million-Dollar-Question and its consequences
Beautifully written & thought provoking Enjoyed it thoroughly. Reminded me of the Chinese proverb; “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed”
Two points for consideration, even though I think the article is largely interesting and accurate. If you alienate the people you know, or even the “public” you will make new friends in the new circle you’ve just entered into by changing your social/wealth status. Also, emulating success isn’t always an option, as successful people may have already completely filled the niche that you’re trying to get into.
Wow – I can not believe that someone has been able to put into words what I have known but been unable to explain for so long. Thank you for writing…
Some other reasons I have discovered that prevent people acting to bring about dreams (even when they are shown exactly how they can come to pass)…
-crippled by past failures
-not wanting to feel disappointment at all (and doing anything to minimise it)
-the fear of failure after giving all they have (because they see failure as proof they were never good enough- and it is easier to live with the lie that you ‘never had the chance’)
What if after years of great, unique work you’ve got $40M, three foundations, and a bridge… and you’re sitting alone at a train station, thinking:
“That was a great journey… but a lonely one. What I really wish I had in life was to have been deeply understood, and to deeply understand.”?
I come from the other side of earth and have what you described as a norm since my childhood. I forge ahead with my dreams and over time, those who does the same recognizes it and we became friends. I never really grasp what it is until you spelled it out. Thanks
Thanks. This is perfect timing… I am at very uncertain phase in my life and this post has triggered some sort clarity landslide in my thinking.. Will probably be coming back to read it a couple more times.. i think..
Sebastian this is an amazing blog post. Like many others I found it through Hacker News and I’m really glad I did.
I can really relate to the Japanese angle you’re using as I lived for a year in exactly the type of place you’re describing. I was teaching English and in some ways it was a very lonely experience. There were relatively few Japanese people my age and many of the expats although great people weren’t interested in the same things I was.
Once I cam back from Japan I decided to begin my own business. It’s been hard and there have been many, many ups and downs. I can really sympathize with some of the people you described in your post as I too have been guilty many times of not taking action that could result in much greater returns.
I think you’re right about the loneliness. It’s lonely being the only one you know who is self-employed; when all your friends are either in grad school or getting started in their careers.
Anyway, just wanted to thank you for the great post.
I am from Spain, and here we call all of this: “pajas mentales” which means “mental wanks”, is simply self masturbation.
It’s like the thing of “self-consciousness” that you mentioned, we don’t even have a word for that (we have the word for “self-awareness”). Why would you be “self-conscious”? It’s because of all that strange “popularity” thing that you have in high-schools? (that we don’t have, people are friends or not friends, but if someone had told me “I am more/less popular than you” we would have laught at his/her face)
I think all of this “self-consciousness” thing and all of the charlatans that you have in your country made you write that. I have lived in France and in Holland, and they are not “mental wankers” neither, so it must be a cultural thing.
Amazing post. I’m working on some of the ideas we spoke about and will let you know how they’re getting on in a couple of months or so.
(Is this a typo: “I want everyone who connects with me to better off.”?)
I must say that your occupation has an uncanny resemblance to that of Manford Macx from the novel Accelerando. He’s the first protagonist, and I recommend reading at least the first couple of chapters of the book just to see his style of life.
> About six months ago, I started trying to make one major upside shot per month at millions of dollars. [..] A lot of times I want to throw up when I’m trying.
May I point you to the definition: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. You say “I love figuring out how to systematically do and achieve things.” – how much have you invested in systematically getting yourself and others past such hurdles?
Because, I don’t think you have “got it”. – “I don’t get to have this” and “because it means you won’t be understood” don’t sound like endpoint answers, they sound like you stopped looking too quickly, like you don’t motivation in the context it’s supposed to be considered in.
Motivation – fears – exist for a brain to keep a body alive. They drive us to success in the environment we evolved in: physical danger, and tribal danger. Fear of not getting to have X isn’t a fundamental answer in that context, but fear of being un-frienable by the group might be (but it’s not at all the only thing which might be).
I am interested in learning about the opportunities you describe. What advice do you have.
Sebastian,
Nice narrative, better still a wonderful writeup. I think only great minds can comprehend this write-up. If you have never tried to do stuffs before, push life a little bit harder then you might not be able to comprehend this feeling. Reading this, brought me to “little-drops of tears”. This is because I just started trying to do stuffs and create more money-making avenues for myself and I had just read someone put all my entire feelings into writing. Needsay, sebastian you need to hit-hard on what the little successes do entirely in confronting this fears. Getting a call after distributing 500 fliers, getting someone that’s interested after sending like 300 emails etc…all these are essential in pushing you further and in helping you convince yourself that maybe “You will enventually be understood”.
People that think like you are a rare bunch (as I have always said).
Your ardent fan from Nigeria,
Makinde
Sebastian, this is beautiful. Truly impressive writing and thoughts. And I feel like I really connect with that feeling… I’m just at the beginning of things, but already I feel like I’ve chosen a path where nobody I grew up with, none of my friends or family really *understand* why I want to break the “mold”. Anyways, I’m almost speechless. Thank you
How do you think I feel… I have the million dollar business plans, want to do it, but somehow can’t bring myself to, and I don’t even know why! Let me know when you are next in the UK :)
I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written here. I’ve been traveling since ’07, through 50+ countries and now I find myself living in Colombia. As time passes, I find it somewhat more difficult to relate to people with the things most people consider normal. Questions such as ‘what do you do for a living? where are you going next? how long are you here for?’ usually leave me stumped.
As for helping others, i’ve found that they need to ask for help, anything else is a waste of your time.
Keep up the good work
This is one of the best blog posts I’ve ever read. Sebastian, you’re a fantastic writer. These problems of inertia and failing to live up to potential is something I think everyone struggles with, especially me, but you really crystallised the issues at play here. Really great post.
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